The dateline should be 10:59am PST8PDT, Woodland, CA.

The first real honeymoon task is to check in for our flights.  This would normally be a non-event, but Janine and I were to be flying United.

If you have ever flown long-haul international flights on United, you know that Economy plus is a scary place (and I won’t even mention regular economy).  We are talking space no bigger than domestic flights, three times the passengers, small screen entertainment that hangs from the roof, etc, etc.  I can fly SQ (Singapore Airlines) economy all day long, but United economy — to Asia — them’s fighting words.

In years past this would not have been an issue:  I have plenty of United Miles, and I just handed over a bajillion or so of them to ensure I flew business class on those long haul flights.  But as a result of the merger, the rules have all changed, and so has Mileage Plus.  And for some reason it meant that despite handing over 60,000 miles, and $1,200 we were still sitting on a wait list when there were still a handful of seats in Business First.

Back to 10:59: I checked in on the United App on my Andriod phone.  And we did not clear the waitlist.  Why not?  I have status with United, I gave them miles and money.  What gives?  So I logged into the “real” web site on my computer.  Hrm.. I don’t think it actually checked us in!?!  Oh.. now it wants out passport information.. again.  Shouldn’t our travel agent entered that.  Ugh.

Janine to the rescue:  She was working (yep, they day before our honeymoon was to start) at the annual Davis Picnic Day and I called her with a panicked (her words) or focused (my words) tone.  Do you have the passport information?  Why yes, she does.  Yet again I am reminded how lucky I am to have married her.

Do I need any help?  No (same focused tone — really).  After all, it is feeding a computer data to make it go.  If I can’t make that happen, that would be pretty embarrassing.  Ok.. gotta go…

So I filled in all of the data.  And it didn’t take it.  What happened?  No useful info.  Timeout assumed.  Logout.  Log in.  Reenter data.  Success.  Or.. wait.. no.  Not cleared.  And not on the waitlist.  Sh*t.  Try checking in again.. uh oh.. it lets me.  Hrm.. what shall I try differently this time?  I will have it email the boarding passes.  OK.. that worked.  But our upgrade still didn’t happen.. and we are not on the waitlist.  And worse.. other people are starting to show up on the list.

By this time, I was also on the phone, trying to reach an operator at United who can fix the issue.  Now if you have called United lately, you know that a long wait is par for the course (due to the merger).  So I wait.  And I wait.  And it hangs up on me.  I call back.  And I wait.  And I wait.  And it hangs up on me.  This was starting to feel like a bad Monty Python skit.. only it was our honeymoon sinking into the mud.

But the next time I called, I reached someone [after a mere 5 minute wait].  Someone very ssslllloooooww.  But there was no way I was letting him go.  Slow or not, he was they key to the start of a great vacation, and there was no way he was going to hang up.  Hrm.. first problem, he cannot find our reservation.  Ah.. well Yankee as in ‘Y’.. not yunke (scary, right) spelled out.  Don’t these guys know the ICAO alphabet?!?

We have a reservation.  From the US to Se-You-All.  No.  We are going to Incheon.  South Korea.  He disagreed.  Where does he think we are going?  Hrm.. spell it please.  Oh.. ok  Seoul.  We have a winner.  So I explain the situation to him.  He puts me on hold for about 5 minutes.  At this point I decide to head home for a land line and better connectivity.  When he picks back up he has good news.  We have already been upgraded.

To Economy Plus.  Aaargh!  I explain the situation again.  He puts me on hold again.  He promises I have been upgraded.  I see no evidence of that.  Back on hold.

More than 10 minutes go by.  He comes back and says he cannot help.  There is a long pause (because he speaks 10WPM).  But he knows who can.  On hold again.

This time I reach a gal in the rewards department.  She has already been briefed on the situation.  She cannot help.  What?!?  Why?  Ah.. well lost in translation.  No surprise.  I reprise the situation for her.  Oh…

Apparently this has been happening all morning on lots of flights.  And she cannot fathom why we did not clear two weeks prior.  She asks if it is OK if she manually upgrades us.  Um… YES!!!

And after only an hour of focused time, including three minutes of validation (Trust, but verify), and two minutes of heartfelt thank yous, I could breath a sign of relief.  This was going to be a great Honeymoon.

PS:  It is worth mentioning that United is as good as, and in most cases better than, other American carriers when it comes to comfort on domestic flights.